he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
