You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
