i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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