Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
