I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vagina is officially offended.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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