I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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