In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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