I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
