I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't turn off my feet"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
