Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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