so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
