I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
