The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
