There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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