Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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