Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I deserve this hangover.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
