just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
