We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
