Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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