i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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