we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
