A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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