I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
