I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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