Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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