Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
