tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
