I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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