so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
