The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
