I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
