I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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