But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
