She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
