I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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