He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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