He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
