Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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