How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
