i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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