I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
