Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
