I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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