end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, beer. Big fan.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize