It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
