Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize