It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
