she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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