cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
