Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
