I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
