4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just cropdusted the office
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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