Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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