everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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