am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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