i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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