??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
