She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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