so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
