I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize