I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
