Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
